An overwhelming sense of fear and excitement dawned upon me this morning. ..
Was my first day easing back to work and back in to the 'real world' ..
....all this time, yes, I stepped out but not into reality as it were. .. not to all familiar faces and places. I avoided them ... like the local cafe as they know me in there or for that matter any place that may recognize me. But today ... was taking that first step to the top. ... and wasn't the view just amazing. ..it waa worth the battle from within. .
I saw the most beautiful people out there.
So, my journey started off at 6:30 am nice and early. .. I was so nervous getting on a train of all corporate working people. .. With the soul fear of being judged! !.. I could feel a few stares or rather looks as I looked different to a normal person. . From the corner of my eye..I kept feeling conscious about it. ... about all the head turns (they may have even been all in my head )...and I turned around and found immense strength and love when I saw my mother sitting right next to me. . I was in my own little world but having her beside me was definitely the wind beneath my wings this morning. ..
Got on the train and my next stop was my daily cafe for my much cherished morning coffee . I was so nervous at thier reactions and what they may end up thinking. .. but to my amazement the lovely lady who makes my coffee said " oh you got a new hair cut, looks great, we've missed you".. I was relieved and taken a back by such kind words .. and this was also my opening line to talk to her about what happened and create awareness about SJS, with her..
The thought of wearing a wig crossed my mind, I won't lie. . But with encouragement from loved ones and strength fron God I decided against it. Due to the fact that. .I won't have an opening line or a conversation starter to tell them about this awful condition and to be make them aware.. of how rareba condition it is.. my loss can be someone else's gain. . And here it was.. and I hope and know I will have more opportunities..
The next step was walking into work. .. While I was walking I hear footsteps of one little guardian Angel ... There she was running behind me a beautiful work mate to carry my bags open the door and from then on I was treated to royalty. .!!
Gifts, cards, non stop hugs..flowers, chats, emails and just a whole new level of love I had never experienced. ..
I sometimes still sit in awe for the past two months gone by, at the intensity of love I have received from near and far. People say they are amazed at how fast I have recovered. .
But how could I have not? With little angels lifting me up and a force pushing me to keep fighting. . It's not my strength. .
Here I was afraid, ashamed, anxious at how the world will receive and accept me...
I should have trusted and believed what I've learnt thus far in 2 months. .I am surrounded by such beauty and unconditional support. .
My message to those who read this blog too is go out be bold and be brave to face your fears and challenges. . If you show the world you're a fighter the respect and love you get back is a thousand fold. .your God will provide for you beyond your understanding. .
Sometimes when bad things happen we tend to question why me or feel sorry for ourselves or make ourselves victim to a situation. Instead if we stand proud . And accept ourselves .. have faith in the beautiful nature of People around us we will be blessed...
More experiences to follow along with my healing updates.
To those of you who wished me well for my first day back a special thank you. It's always very touching. ..
Fondest thoughts your way to all of you. May the beauty in you radiate to lift others. .
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