Take me back, I often think...but when life forces you to accept 'Change' ... the take me backs disappear, to find your courage & resilience

There are definitely times I question my existence, times I wonder why God didn't take me when he had the chance? Times I say Why me? Times my sight is so weary and blurry that I can't even cry anymore with frustration, but keep pushing through..

While driving one day, reversing, to get my car into a parking spot,  one of my eyes got the better of me, I wear contact lenses to protect them (mainly). I backed into another car; all within the space of a few seconds as I lost my concentration trying to put back in place a contact lens that was merely falling out of place .. It was early hours of the morning in mid-winter too (dark and foggy) I was so angry and frustrated… just wanted to stop and cry! But I couldn't as I had to run to catch a train… I did inspect the car, no damage, but slightly to mine… (but that’s ok)

I learnt a valuable lesson that day, and the days to follow… my life has changed so much!.. Things, people, circumstances and my body will let me down…

This winter hasn't been too kind to me, from falling ill, to being identified with a few other complications, and long term effects or illnesses I have never had in my life before…. So this is what Stevens Johnson Syndrome does to you, well after it’s gone and you’re out of the hospital. It changes your life forever… it changes your life to become weaker, more susceptible to illness & more open to change…

A year and a half back I still recall my life, more so my eyes and go, wow that was what it was like to have good health...and I didn’t value it.. Today my eyes are a gift from God and I value them a thousand fold.

The lesson it has taught me is that change in our lives is inevitable, we can either accept it wholeheartedly or complain about it. Either way it will happen….

We must make the most of it…  Walk away from things that no longer serve us or make us whole, or bring out the best in us & live amongst what nourishes our soul

It could be illness, a change in a job, a difficult move we have to make, a change in relationships, a number of different things that has changed your life….

From that day I felt life saying ‘slow down’…what you can do has changed dramatically…
plans change, nothing is certain anymore and the next day could be a challenge or run smoothly..

As the doctors told my parents, my recovery was dramatic, so are the changes it has made to me now…

So to continue the story, I felt like I had been a bad person running into the back of someone’s car (and they were not there) but there was no damage another passer by inspected it too as I asked him to, and he said “I wouldn't worry about it”. I still felt so bad in my heart for not leaving a note saying I rammed into your car, please contact me so, least so I can tell you the truth just so you are aware & apologize… 
...I hurriedly ran to the train and there was this lady stumbling with her clothes, a bag, one shoe in hand the other on the floor trying to validate her ticket and to get on the train that was waiting there (ready to go).. I said can I give you a hand picked up her belongings and rushed with her to the train. She turned around, and said ‘Thank you, you saved my day’… I am not trying to emphasize about the helping hand, not in any way, but just saying, the world offers us the bad and the good… after hearing that I could have helped someone in some small way, then therein lies a complete day , it felt like a sliding doors moment (if anyone has seen the movie, you will get the reference ) ..

Change is scary especially when it’s a decline, or so we think.. Something’s happen in reverse, or for the worst, right?

So we think… but I am starting to think all change is good.. Since then there have been big and small changes in my life…mostly taking a turn that I don’t understand..

But that’s ok, we don’t need to understand everything, so long as we can be happy… Happiness lies within yourself..

If you haven’t read it, you should try to read the book 'Who Moved My Cheese?".. 

Bring back my old life, often said in my mind.. Not so much anymore..  Enjoy the now, that’s what I think of… take the opportunities while they are there… thank and appreciate those that have been a loyal source of strength to you, pray for all those that cross paths with you good or bad, they brought about change too, and bless everyone that comes your way… not to say there still aren't days I go back on this... but it is more inbuilt now.. 

Life has a way of making you accept change… Some forced and some changes are optional, or it gives you many options, whichever one you choose have the courage of your convictions & take each day as it’s meaningful … I learnt the hard way, that your health is as important as the sun is to the plants, as food is for our body and as happiness is for our soul.. It can be pivotal… but if it takes a turn let it… you never know what adventures, lessons, people and glimmer of hope lies there..  Through this I have been the lucky one to cross paths with some wonderful people out there, known & unknown to me.. and that's the plot twist about change... if it starts in decline, or for the better, it's always good ---  

Thank you one and all for those who have been in touch about this blog and have asked me to keep writing, I sincerely write what I learn and what I would like to share... just in case you may be having a day or an experience similar to mine.. 

I also promised pictures of my progress throughout my blog. which was why I initially started this blog. as a means of keeping those who were in touch and prayed for me about my progress.. talking about change and what it does.. these sayings below are worth a read and also a photo of change in my eyes, a day that it would just not stay open & was painful, and a good day (that they lasted) I wake up and never know how they are going to behave.. but I tend to take 'change' as my challenge for the day...

Change; own it..