A journey to inner strength and beyond: living in my new skin

It's been awhile since my last blog.. although I have had many learning curves since. I have not had as much time as I used to, to sit down and document it. Although I write in my journals to help me heal and reflect . writing I have found over the years, is good for my soul and in turn if it might help one other then it's worth documenting it.

I was reading something this morning, that told me about the view from the top. if we're climbing a steep mountain and when we get to the top, we soon forget the pebbles and rough path we walked across to get there?... we soon forget the tiredness, the stones that hurt our feet or the little holes and sharp edges that may have derailed our path or misled us ... the view from the top makes you forget everything! but simply asks of you to enjoy the beauty and take it all in.

This blog is a little story about that... making it to that view, creating a safe space up there. and focusing upwards, and the mountains we carry, might just be what we are meant to climb instead.

The month of May, as always has, has taught me many a lessons. A few days ago when we journeyed up a spectacular walk around Uluru and Kata Tjuta (one of the oldest rock formations in Australia said to be 600 million years old and home to a civilization dating back about 40,000 years on ) Note* we did not climb the rock as not climbing this is strongly recommended and considered sacred ground for the Anangu and all Aboriginal people.

image captured on first day at Uluru and the first time I saw the rock

On the way up that journey, a few things occurred to me.

How similar this can be to our journey in life, the walk up there and around it was steep at times wobbly and rough. The surface had stones, rocks that would often get in the way and you would have to move and veer from the path but you set your eyes on the horizon while only looking down to check what to avoid.

This is similar to what has been going on in my own life. From the time I learnt that my life changed and that I may have not made it or may not have had the chance to experience or see many things. My whole perspective on life, people, situations and circumstances changed. Not over night but gradually it gave me a whole new meaning to what I will tolerate and what I choose to let go into wherever it is meant to go! What I find happiness in and the art of gratitude. The views I must enjoy while I can regardless... How much happiness I choose for myself everyday and that situations are powerless without my permission.

I can only do my part to get there, I can't expect someone to carry me along the way, although if I did fall I would be assured of my angels to help me but I can only move forward through God's guidance, grace and blessing for me and my own desire to do so... Along the way if I am derailed or I fall I can only get back up and keep walking to make it to that view. Much like this month and since my last blog post, I have fallen a few times but each time I fall I can rest assured I gave it a better shot, I put in some genuine sweat and tears and I gave it a go, and I must stress less for it.. Sometimes it might take a few go's before I can get to that view and stumbling is a part of that journey.

Stressing less about it, is a trait I endeavor to have and surely is the next step on this journey.

One morning we woke early to see the sunrise over this beautiful rock and my eyes just failed to function, it was such a blur that all I could see was white film over my eyes ! It took me back. a good reminder of how far I had come . Almost three years ago this was the eye sight I did have and how far it has come how many wonders I have seen, how many places I have experienced and the love and light that I have felt. I am enriched for it. The good far outweighs the bad and for that I am forever grateful

As the sun made its way up I could gradually see the light shine so bright bringing with it warmth and hope, as the struggle still continued I was able to still appreciate that beauty and find my safe place.

sun making its way up over Uluru and Kata Tjuta

On another day finishing one of our walks up to the Gorge, tired and out of breath I took a seat on a little rock, to admire the skies, the mountains and the valleys, the little holes which collected water, and to find a safe place where nothing in the world could touch me. In one of my readings again I came across this 'safe space'. It's a space in your mind and heart where nothing and no one, no situation can touch you. where anything anyone does or says about you will not hurt you. and you will let it pass over you

This space is something I am finding more day by day and reaching that view made me realise to find my safe space in my daily life. ensure to do my part. Give and continue to give but guard that safe space.

the Walpa Gorge after a long walk we reached the mountains and the Gorge. A little safe haven from the sunshine

One night we also walked in the darkness, paving our own path to find the stars, we walked among sounds of nature, and came to a point where we looked up and all we could see was the sky in all its grandeur. The sparkling stars, the milky way, I just could not believe my eyes! another reminder to me, to focus upwards always... look to the skies the stars, your maker and you will find your peace, all else will seem rather immaterial. My fear of the darkness had also soon gone away when I just focused on the million shinning sparkles that I could see.

This journey to the rock, to see the stars to feel the earth was exactly what my soul needed to reiterate a few lessons in life. To rekindle and connect my soul back to the simple things in life, back to find my connection, and to awaken me to all the beauty around me. To focus upwards, inwards and find my safe space. To guard that and never let anything get through without my permission. Someone or something can only make you feel as small as you let them, the words of my father when I used to to feel disappointed about something.
You have control over how you feel each and every moment. Just make it to those little milestones in your life where the view is amazing, you feel the warmth of kindness and genuineness and yet the freedom to just be.

Of course I endeavor always to do my part ; in giving, in helping and in restoring but beyond that I can't ask for more but to simply take all the beauty in each situation gives me. the angels that might fly over every now and then, the stars that may sparkle to remind us not to be afraid of the darkness, the stones and pebbles that might derail us but stay focused upwards and let that light shine bright with no intention of dimming another's. There will be days where it's only darkness no doubt- but that's when the reserve light you have stored within may help ...

Fields of Light to remember to keep shining while others shine their light too

Stars above me, to focus upwards, red earth below to ground me, safe space within me

Who knew that the mountains that I try to carry are sometimes what I am supposed to climb.. rather than carrying them heavy on my shoulders I should choose to climb them instead with faith and hope, and enjoy the journey wherever that may lead - I am sure the views must be spectacular! It's priceless..
if I reflect back on the past three years gone I feel like I have experienced a whole lot more than I ever would have if life didn't wake me up to this reality. It's not the riches, silver or gold but the little journey's my soul takes, the magnificent scenes these eyes have seen, the faith of others in me to help them, the answered prayers, the grace of an unchanging God and the precious souls I have met as a result . No doubt some have much more steep & rougher paths to walk, nonetheless well equipped for the journey it can make the walk a lot less burdensome.

Thanks for prompting me to write again, and also hope this helps you in some way... These are lessons I have encountered, experiences i have grasped once I started to learn to live in my new skin
Feel free to get in touch if I can help in some small way
Love, light, blessings and healing

DV

Challenging few months gone passed but this new year has taught me what to accept in my life and what to say no to,firmly & stand by the courage of my convictions

My skin is healing well & has gone back to its almost normal self apart from sudden rushes of heat & feeling the hot days, but no complaints there

My eyes on the other hand seem to be stuck at the same point making slow progress but still in need of constant attention ..

It requires care, that is always on my mind and now slowly becoming second nature to me . It may require me to travel overseas for some special treatement that could be available for this condition. Meeting a doctor by chance that was able to give me this information & encouragement itself was a great miracle for me.

Pain teaches us so much, especially when it's chronic. When it's a constant sensation of glass or an object in your eye just cutting at the edges, it's severely dry what do you do? Try to find temporary relief to eliviate the pain . I use drops every 10-15 minutes use hot and cold compression to help with weather changes and always conscious of infections as, if I get one I have a high risk of losing my sight as I have no tears or the means to fight them ..

using my own blood that was also turned into serum tears is another great miracle and medical marvel in itself .

It's about being constantly aware of this sensation and fighting it to get some comfort ..

Just like fighting the hurt and painful situations that occur in your life just to find some comfort & your inner balance .it's not easy but you have to in order to keep moving

As a member of the sjs group I also hear what others are going through and it gets very disheartened and sad. Most often we can be surrounded by this .. People going through illnesses and tough times in our lives . it hits me like it has affected one of my own as this is my SJS family now ..As much as i would like to help them & be thier strength ..it's most often what I am here for I feel..and why I went through this as one of the better reasons..

when external issues and challenges are thrown in the way, people misunderstand intentions or would add negativity to the journey, or i may have added negativity to someone else's journey .. I am learning to wish well & take that space to breathe easy. Not letting it affect the recovery process and living out the rest of what's given to me .. I often pray if I have done something wrong send the kindest thoughts to those that send negative energy, pray & divert my attention, care and love to the many that need it from me. I choose to remove myself from the situation .. All I can do is give from the depths and goodness in my heart, without holding back and hope it is received well. if not then, that is my lesson to transfer the attention , elsewhere .. Taking deep breaths is highly recommended I hear and I have used it myself, as this helps you take in some good energy & remain aware of your breathing.

Techniques to learn to control your thoughts and feelings is key I've learnt in this new year. Also praying about all the things that bother you and offering it to the God and faith you believe in ..

It's about learning what you can deal with at any given point in your life & you learn what you can take and let everything else that doesn't sit right with you , doesn't agree with your soul let drift pass you without a moment hesitation not letting it affect your place in this world.. It's a difficult practice to do but it's worthwhile to try .

When I visited back home this year the number of people I met that felt happy to see me in good health really took me by surprise . I knew all these amazing people had prayed and thought of me but I didn't realise the extent or depth to thier words and emotions.. Being with them and around them felt so beautiful ....it helped me forget the rest of my worries for awhile and stay in that embrace .

We all have a sense of care and love around us, somedays are harder to see them than others but don't doubt your wholeness and how important your journey is to the people that care about you .

Thanks for prompting me to write again, my family and friends , I had let my experiences slip and let the bad get the better of me on some days ..

Also very grateful for the opportunities of the story of sjs being featured in a magazine and a major online news source, the quest to create awareness was alive & am very appreciative for it

Learning to take in the good around you and block out the negativity is a process, and I am learning, always am...But well and soon enough I hope .. It's like the eyes that constantly bother us ( those with sjs would know or for that matter any chronic condition) you learn to live with a certain amount of pain and discomfort it becomes part and parcel of your life, you get stronger, & far more tolerant to pain but no more weaker or any less wiser for it..

you become a survivor ..not a victim of any of the situations you have been through ..it helps you learn your boundaries, what you can tolerate, what energy you give out to the rest of your circle and learning to say no to the things that don't serve to bring you happiness or peace.

Also another thing that a very beautiful lady I have had the pleasure of meeting as a result of all of this, said to me :she is an organ donor but now understands the importance of opting her eyes for donation

It's something I signed up for ages ago & have not hesitated or looked back on and depending on your beliefs on it, opt to donate too if you can, it can keep a life going...

I hope to keep writing as I learn . My fondest love, prayer and wishes