Although the world is full of suffering, it is also full of overcoming it... -Helen Keller

Nearly 4.5 months on... where do things stand and how am I coping with this new found me...
 
let me tell you this much it hasn't been a walk in the park... there have been horrible days, where my mind has travelled to places it shouldn't...thinking why did I make it out alive and when I do, I realize that there is a greater purpose than I can understand now.. the messages and the lovely thoughts I have received from friends, family and strangers alike is starting to prove that to me more..

There are days when we all feel not so worthy or not so great.. and I used to have days like these even when I was normal..or I should choose my words wisely. .before my life took a turn after this condition. ...I feel a horrible sense of loss, anger, frustration.. each and every time I try to do something, that my body gives in I am tired and have to stop to take a deep breath, stop to take a step back and stop, just to be able to go on.. I used to do so much, now it has all become an effort, but pushing on and getting it done, is a great feeling too..

What has it taught me. Stop!! in general, take things easy.. if things are going too fast it is ok to say no, it is ok to take the next exit and it is ok to not be ok too.. if something is giving you bad vibes it is ok to politely decline and take your time... It is your body’s mechanism to protect you sometimes... and listening to your body is the most healthiest thing you can give it.. I didn’t initially, and my body forced me to stop...

 So with this condition and the process that comes with it, I am learning to take things slower, breathe when I feel like I can't take things anymore and hang in there and relax when the storms are getting rougher.. This is one thing that has helped me and am still learning. to do it.. visualising a huge wave coming your way.. you can choose to be in a higher place above it, watch  the waves and not let it harm you.... or you can choose to be at the same level of the storm and be attacked by it.. I am learning to visualize the initial reaction.. I must say it leads to calmer reactions... with time...

 I am also learning the kindness of strangers is like nothing I've experienced so far .. people that I have never spoken to stop to ask what happened and show such concern...As much as this world is filled with bad, evil and selfishness it is also filled with the good and kind hearted, the selfless and the kindred spirits.. I am in awe and can say, I have met a few of them  already...
 

It's that time of the year when I reflect on all things that passed me through this year.. the lessons learnt , the friendships formed, the lives that have crossed my path, the opportunities, the mistakes made, the losses and the gains...

 
One such loss I am still coming to terms with is my hair.. stepping out into the world as it were, going to work, meeting new faces, seeing old ones... it is always on my conscience that I look and feel different to others.. the mind is a powerful weapon like that it can be used to do good or the complete opposite..
 
My eyes haven’t made progress I am told, and there might be an uphill challenge ahead... but I have no doubt in my mind that healing, as in complete healing is not too far off either... it is within grasp if I have faith...

Times I wished tears rolled down my cheeks, I wish I felt that sorrow and pain come out, and it doesn’t .. it is beyond frustrating...because tears are the best part of crying, but am complaining about things I don’t have... that is replaceable and manageable without... imagine the many out there, that live without food and shelter...we should be lending a hand for their happiness..

Instead of talking about what I don’t have, I will start talking about what I do have and what I have gained in these past four months. I have been able to strengthen others that are going through something, or sharing my experience may have helped. I have received a few emails/ messages to say that the experience I went through has taught them something... that is a blessing in itself.. and like my mum said my suffering won't be a waste ; the greater purpose

I have gained loyal friends, I have seen the loyalties in others, I have seen the strength that lies in my family.. the bond they have, and the constant encouragement they are, even when am not the nicest person to be around..

I have found strength in a partner in immense ways... through his patience when I lose it, though his calmness when I cry, and through him being able to see my inside rather than beauty that is only skin deep...

 He sees my urge and need to help and in turn he is supporting the best he can– Thank you Cameron..

Friends who have gone leaps and bounds beyond their calling to help me, and carry me... I believe in angels, because of you... sometimes I wonder if you are human at all .....

This Christmas we are giving, giving back so much of what we got of this year... My life back.. my eyes back, my sense of speech, my hair and my inner strength back...

I told my mum that this year has been such a trial for me, not only with my health issues, but we have had a few things all come at once for us this year, expected and unexpected things... and it has been pretty bad year over all... and her response to me was, that I am here with them, they couldn’t have imagined what Christmas would have been otherwise... which is quite true..

I know of a little boy who is battling SJS at the moment in the UK, and I can feel exactly what he’s family is going through.. I feel for him so much and he’s battle. It is not easy... when you are burnt, can’t open your eyes and can’t breathe on your own..

 This little champion is fighting, please pray he makes it out by Christmas...

 But now I see what my mother’s words meant...  They cherish and call me daily love me while I am alive and gives me a sense of hope for tomorrow... when my chips are down...

Spending Christmas away from ones that supported me so much throughout, is going to be quite tough this year.... but am grateful to be here, even though some days I question that intention I keep telling myself the greater purpose will be revealed no doubt..

Life as we know it has changed.. my new normal, is not normal at all.. it’s a whole list of things I wish I didn’t have to do, but it’s getting my health back on track ...  and the support network I have had for that has been nothing short of extraordinary

 This season, I think we all reflect on the good and the bad... how our lives have changed... for the better and the worse... we have all encountered good and bad this year. But the lesson we learn from it is the most important..

 Losing my old self, for a new person, a new skin and learning to live in it, has been by biggest challenge in 28 years... it is not something I would wish upon any one...but the lessons I am learning through it I wouldn’t have learnt any other way either...

 What is the point if we gain everything the world has to offer materialistic or tangible, but lose our soul? I hope this season you find your purpose, you find yourself and you find it in you to give of all you have got, too.. and you believe that you have within you the strength to overcome things by the grace of God and you are always, stronger than you realize...

I must thank all of you for continuously showing us both so much support... care, concern, affection and understanding above all.. we have never seen such generosity..

I wish you all a blessed season, with some time to rest, rest for your soul, and recuperate.. and that 2014 brings you smiles...

I will keep writing again in the new year, with the challenges, the wins and the joys of now, learning to live in my new skin